Breathing You In
by Dylan Shelby
Summary: To breathe is to live. To love is to live. But if love dies and all is left is breathing is it still life? Evelyn is about to find out. AU


Title: Breathing You In

Author: Dylan Shelby

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Summary: To breathe is to live. To love is to live. But if love dies and all is left is breathing is it still life? Evelyn is about to find out. AU

Author's Notes: Fourth in the series. You do not have to have read any of the ones before to understand this. However you should know that when Rafe left for England Evelyn followed. They got married and then Rafe was shot down and Evelyn was transferred to France. It starts after that. Also listed after the story are the name of the stories in order. 

'Breathing You In' is from the Seven Channels song. And if you read the lyrics in the story you will have a better understanding of where everything is coming from. :)

~*~*~*~

In my dreams I can see and feel your face  
But next to me sits an empty space

~*~*~*~

The warmth of the sun was shining down on them. The beach was heavenly and his body was keeping her warm. They were on a blanket with some food, enjoying the time they had together. Life would drag on and they would be dragged behind it, but right now they were together and they were happy. "So this is what has become of us?" she teased him. She turned over to look at him, he gave her that cocky grin she loved and leaned in and kissed her, "Not even close." She laughed at that and leaned in to give him another kiss.

"So what do we do now Lieutenant?" "We savor our moments together. We don't have very long why waste them?" he countered. She nodded her head and snuggled into his body. His warmth warmed her and it was the feeling of contentment. Like no matter what may happen everything was going to be okay. "I love you." he whispered. "I love you too." They kissed again and then settled down into one another and the sand letting everything wash over them.

With a sudden breath Evelyn was awake. She turned and looked beside her only to see it empty. Just like it had been for the past three days. He was gone. Dead. Never to come back. Forever seemed to long without him, five seconds seemed to long. She was eventually going to have to face it, but right now she allowed herself to grieve. To draw into herself for the strength to sustain her. And for the first time in a long time she went to Church. To actually be there. Not because it was normal, or for social reasons, but because she simply had nothing left to lean on. No other source of hope but what the Reverend could offer her. And still she breathed.

~*~

Sometimes this life doesn't make any sense to me  
I need some time to heal and some space to breathe

~*~

She had always heard that evil compounded evil, but she would never have guessed that her life would have turned out this way. On the day after Rafe's death she found out she was being transferred to France where a majority of the hard fighting was taking place. A place no person on Earth should have to see, but she was going to. She was numb. Her eyes had spent so many tears and no longer had enough water to cry. She didn't think she would be able to survive. She didn't have any choice though. 

She started to pack her bag. Small movements that required no thoughts were the only thing that she could do. She looked up when the door opened. Elizabeth, CiCi, Molly, and Lynn were all standing there. "We heard." Elizabeth said. Her sorrow for her fellow colleague and friend was evident. "We're all so sorry Evelyn." Molly said. CiCi came over to her and put her arms around her, "I'm really going to miss you. Please write when you get the chance." It was when the other women surrounded her that Evelyn found where she could draw her strength. A gift from God, a proof that she wasn't alone. 

"Thank-you all. I don't think I could have survived these past few months without you. I will miss you and if I get the chance I will write." she assured them. They left her to pack and that was what she did. She only stopped when she looked down and saw on the paper figurines that Rafe had folded for her. She cupped her hand over her mouth and dropped to the bed and started crying. She could have handled it had she not seen this. Something so innocent, nothing but paper and time. But she knew that she would never be able to have this again. And with that the tears started fresh.

She needed to leave, to get out, to breathe.

~*~*~*~

Gone away and I pray for the strength to  
Strength to carry on  
As I am breathing you in and I'm breathing you out  
I still feel you though you're gone

~*~*~*~

Explosions over head, bullets whizzing by and all the while she was right in the middle of it. France was not something that anyone, no one, not even your worse enemy should ever, ever, have to face. There was no safe haven. No place to lay your head and sleep. There was no grass, no blue skies, nothing by olive green, red, silver, and sometimes a combination of all three. Just yesterday Evelyn had been working with this girl, Sophie, and while Evelyn had leaned down to pick up a knife a bullet blazed into the girl.

The only thing Evelyn felt was the girl lean on her and when Evelyn got back up she was covered in blood and Sophie was struggling for breath. Evelyn hated, HATED, being the last face a person saw before they died, but as of late it seemed that was all she was doing. No wonder Elizabeth started to have a nervous brake down over here. There was no relief in sight and nothing but gray to look at. 

And to top it off, Evelyn's love of life had been drained. The only thing she did now was try and keep dieing soldiers from meeting God. She did her job right and with everything she had, but her passion, her light, and everything that had ever made her smile or glow was gone. Nothingness. It simply didn't exist in her anymore and moreover she simply didn't care.

"Oh God!" she cried out. "Please give me the strength. I can't do this anymore." Her mantra from the day Rafe had died until now. In the night time the bullets still rained and there was no rest, but it was comforting. Everything about night time was darkness. Evelyn could handle the war in the dark. It suited her mood and the atmosphere of everything around her. It was during the day that made life hard to live. And through it all, she was still breathing and still alive.

~*~*~*~

It's been so long since you've gone away  
And I know things will never be the same  
I break it all down so it will show to me clear  
But all the while I'm wishing you were here

~*~*~*~

"Nous l'avons trouvé le flotter la mer. Nous l'avons soigné autant que possible, mais nous avons besoin de quelque aide." a man said. Evelyn had just woken up from another dream. A nightmare actually one where everything was perfect and Rafe was still next to her. "What did he say?" Evelyn asked the doctor not being fluent in French. "He said they picked a soldier up. He does need help. See what you can gather and meet me at table seven." She nodded her head and went to gather what she could.

She gathered up what she could find. When she went to the tent where table seven was at she heard the doctor gasp, "Oh mon dieu." "What what is it?" she asked setting things out as best she could. "I don't know if he'll make it. He was in the water a long time and he's suffering from hypothermia. Go and find me a blanket and when anything else warm. Where are the scissors?" She gave him the scissors and went in search of all the blankets she could find.

She came back, "M'aider. " She knew that one meant help me. She took the pants and started to cut them off of the body. Leaving nothing but his boxer shorts left. She went to help cut off the man's shirt, but stopped dropping the scissors. "Rafe?"

The End.

Until next time. Mes animaux favoris (My pets). And no I am not fluent in French. I can't pass Spanish and I'm having a hard time writing the English language. :)

Is it Rafe? Could I be that nice? Or possibly that mean? Guess you'll have to wait until the next story: Forever Full of Grace. 

The Stories below are in the order in which you need to read them if you wish to go chronological. 

1) At the Beginning  
2) Midnight Confession  
3) Gates of Hell  
4) Breathing You In - this one.

  


  



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